Lorraine Wilson

Production Assistant

When Lorraine sleeps she imagines falling down a black hole.  Usually one hole.  Two on a good night.  Luckily she’s able to wake herself up at will, so very rarely goes for a third.  It’s okay because she doesn’t sleep much anyway, leading as she does the life of a nocturnal party fiend.  Lorraine single handedly destroyed a Glasgow nightclub by partying too hard.  We think this is down to her fanatical parents who, from the moment she was born, dedicated their lives to training her to make her the fastest, strongest and most powerful party goer in the world.  By the age of three she was already UK partygoer champion, and was rewarded with the gift of a professional karaoke machine for her fourth birthday – still her most treasured possession.  Strangely, she claims her idol is Dame Judy Dench.  I doubt this is the revered stage actress and national treasure us oldies know.  Probably DJ-D – sick dropper of the UK’s ‘illest’ Grime Step.  (Wake up Lorraine.  You’re dreaming.  We wouldn’t really write all these horrible things about you on the website).